i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize