dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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