i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
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