I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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