Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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