Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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