Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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