Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize