the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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