why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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