i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
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well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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