Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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