life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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