i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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