Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize