My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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