So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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