And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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