I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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