I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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