I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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