i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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