i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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