i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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