Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize