dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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