hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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