Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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