I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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