It's Friday. Sex?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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