these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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