Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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