Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wow bdsm is so cute
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