Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize