strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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