fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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