and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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