i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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