You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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