i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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