I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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