I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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