I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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