mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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