Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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