I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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