woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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