yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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