it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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