You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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